Alright alright alright, Karen, Ashtanga meme it is.

Courtesy of Karen , we present:

THE ASHTANGA MEME ABOUT LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES.

Ashtanga Liberals:

*Practice during ladies holidays
Um, not relevant, that I know of.

*Have more than one teacher whom they may or may not listen to
I have one teacher, who allows me to experiment as I please, but last time I had two teachers (in SF, one conservative, one liberal) I did as they said.

*Give themselves poses
Yep. I have to.

*Mix up one or more series together in the same practice
If I do Larry Schultz' "crim" Rocket series, we mix poses from 1st-4th series, yes.

*Skip poses they can't 'do'
Nope. I'll modify or adapt, but I won't skip.

*Add poses they can 'do'
You betcha. Not every practice, but when I want to put my leg behind my head, I'll add it to Kapotasana (which should probably be my "official" stop pose).

*Mess with the number of sun salutations
Nope. Five and five.

*Practice on saturday
If I'm having a messed up life week, you damn betcha.

*Practice on moondays and don't even know when moon days are
I don't usually practice on a moonday, but I have. I DO, however, know when they are and I can spot one coming with freakish precision.

*Drink water during practice
Nope, was told not to early on and it stuck.

*Quote Tim Miller
Well, it's more apt to say that I quote people who've quoted Tim Miller. Maybe I'm like a second generation ashtanga liberal or something.

*May drink, smoke pot, shoot heroin occasionally or often
Booze, yes. Nothing else.

*Eat cheeseburgers and donuts
Blah. Although I've eaten a donut or two in the past three years, yeah.

*Do Madonna's version of vande gurunam
Nope. Do you know how much frickin effort that is?

*Skip vinyasas in the seated poses
Nope, well, unless I'm injured or rushed for time. I LOVE my jumpbacks.



Ashtanga Conservatives:


*Always listen to their teacher
When I have one, yes.

*Practice between five and six days a week
Yep, even if it's just sun salutations.

*NEVER practice on ladies holidays or on Saturdays
No to ladies' holidays; occasionally, to Saturdays.

*Take an almond oil bath on Saturday
Not currently, no.

*Eat ghee
Never have touched the stuff. Well, except at Indian restaurants.

*Get a set of contact lenses, even though they hate them, so that they can have a sharp driste, just like their teacher told them
Can't wear contacts. I like my driste fuzzy.

*Never use props
Nope, I don't. Don't use em, that is.

*Never skip poses
Nope, I'll modify or do a pose half-assed, but never skip it, unless I'm doing a short form practice or something, or an injury precludes doing it.

*Never add poses
Yeah, I'm a pose-adder. But not when I have a teacher to listen to.

*Contact their teacher when they are going to be absent to explain the absence
Nope.

*Contact their teacher after the absence to explain the absence
I've done this, but it's not regular. But neither is my having a teacher.

*Do primary series when they are sick, unless they have a fever
I've done primary when sick, but not EVERY time I'm sick. Depends on the sick.

*Do the proper, droning version of vande gurunam
Yep.

*Get to bed real early, skipping opportunities for fun/company/sex so as not to miss practice
I'll miss some opportunities, but others, no, I won't. I've practiced on four hours of sleep, in the past, because of this. But I've also never practiced hung over. Do I get bonus points?

*Are vegetarian
Unless I'm at my parents' house, yes.

*Never eat or drink before practice
Just like Karen said: COFFEE! Come on, even Guruji apparently said that "one cup dark coffee, even lazy man is coming, full energy!"

*Would never think of drinking water during practice and openly scorn those foolish enough to bring a water bottle
I'm usually way too involved in my dristi and whatnot (to say nothing of desperate nearsightedness) to see what people are doing or not, but no, no water drinking during practice.

*Want to throttle people who come in and do that bloody sing-song version of vande gurunam
Have never heard anyone except Madonna do said version. And no, she wasn't leading my class at that point.

*Quote guruji
Hah, I just did this above. I'm SO conservative. Or something.

*Keep Yoga Mala by their bed
Not by the bed, but currently on the shelf over the fireplace.

*Know the vinyasa count
Nope, well, not formally...I know my vinyasa count, which is probably close but not spot-on. Too much home practice, I guess!

*Know all the sanskrit names for the poses
You damn betcha. And spelling.

*Never EVER experiment with a pose they have not been 'given' by their teacher.
Ok ok, you got me, I'm crim. Kidding. Come on, it's fun to experiment with what's coming up. Especially if you do home practice for 11 and 3/4 months of the year.