I haven't practiced a lot in November.
Partial Primary today; experiments with Kapotasana on Wednesday (press up, walk in, repeat).
Seventh series takes MORE time as it proceeds, NOT less. One starts to GIVE time to it, rather than respond to its sheer DEMANDS.
Almost six months now since C was born; first airplane flight due on Wednesday afternoon. Family visit, meet his cousin, who is my nephew, and all grandparents (J's are going to drive down from visiting in Maine, to Massachusetts, where my tribe is from).
Eyes, hands, vocalizations, sitting up, laughter. Reaching for stuff. EVERYTHING goes in the mouth.
Semester NOT cooking me alive yet, but damn close. Ten graduate students (MFA) to essentially advise for the semester, nearly 150 undergrads at survey level.
I did not get sick two days ago, but post-nasal drip made it seem that something was coming on. Outstanding!
COULD NOT sustain the Chicago energy, any more than a tiger can be stuffed into a jewelry box. It sits and waits for me to have time and space to open the curtain on the inner kingdom.
I'm actively applying for art history jobs. Four of them are near here, relatively speaking (that is, a state or two away). No chance in hell, maybe, that I'll get one (as my degrees aren't in AH and I only have five years teaching experience in it) but if a department wants more interdisciplinarity than research depth in-field, maybe I can slip in...
Film jobs are a catastrophe. There are few, and almost all of them want production. Fuck that. It's all such rhetoric-du-jour, about "transnational media" and "research emphasis in the global South" and such. Furthermore, I think that the national film conference (to the degree that it is one; does it know that a literature conference held three months earlier does more film interviews than it does?) is just a bunch of tenured people getting together to share their new obsessions. I mean, check it: they wanted to hold the 2009 conference in TOKYO (who the fuck can afford THAT as a grad student??? or new faculty???) and because of H1N1 panic, had to cancel the WHOLE SHEBANG. So in 2010 it's due to be LA (again, maybe it's not TOKYO, but WhoTF can afford THAT???).
Anyway, job searching is depressing. Whatever. I write the letters, I send the documents. Then I think about something else.
November is the low power month on my calendar. I notice that I AVIDLY look forward to December.
I will be some big stupid age, in 2010 (40). I can't decide if I'll either blow it off completely in a spirit of "fuck you, American age stereotypes" or if I will have a bunch of KILLER asana pics taken that day, in exactly the same spirit.
Recently J and I finally had a conversation about all of the post-divorce stuff that I'm anxious about and which kicked into HIGH GEAR when we got pregnant. Long-held relationship anxieties, priority anxieties, past bad scenes rebirthing as threats, and so on. If you were to read all of my posts about that past relationship, you'd be able to see how they re-seed. I don't feel like rewriting that novel right now (although it'd be compelling reading), but I'm beginning to believe that all of that REALLY IS just anxiety, just ghosts. Only took 15 months to begin to put it down. That was HARD work, carrying all that around for the past year and some. I'm still carrying some of it around.
But that relationship's end (and it was my walkout), is about to hit its seven-year anniversary in mid-December. Maybe it will ALL drop off at that point.
I am about to get more than 100 undergrad papers, and then go on vacation, then come back, give a test, guide my grads into coherent theory papers, and call it a semester. I will be PSYCHED if I don't have to do family travel in late December, and I'll be on the look out to do CONFERENCE travel at that time, if I get any interviews. Ahh the regular insecurity; always in motion is the future, blah blah.
That's it! Happy rest of 2009!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Quick summary of the Kino Chicago weekend: Two thumbs up.
Yes, everyone, apologies that I don't post much anymore; when you're doing seventh series, you'll understand :) Anyway, the world's quickest weekend summary!
1. I got the Kino Intermediate DVD last week, and it inspired a week of practices. It's GREAT. I actually got more out of the practice disc than I did out of the "how to work" disc, and the major poses it changed for me were Pasasana, Supta Vajrasana and those of the FBH section.
2. Having Kino in person, directly after that, was a freakin' gift. Marvelousness.
3. I stayed in a hostel right downtown. Public transportation in Chicago, at any hour of day or night, is marvelous and easy.
4. At Friday morning's Mysore, with over 50 people, Kino said, "If you have a long practice, begin now; if you have a short practice, begin in about 15 minutes." That's how it was split.
5. At the FIRST Chakrasana (after Supta Padangusthasana), I re-activated a HOT nerve pinch in my left trapezius. That HURT. And it made the backbends of Intermediate, well, let's just say a LITTLE challenging. But I did up to Dwi Pada anyway because I was having fantastic energy.
6. Kino's assisted backbends go like this: 2-3 drops back with arms crossed, and then back to hands and WALK in, even with HEAD DOWN, walk in as FAR as possible, and then when maxed out, PUSH UP, LEGS STRAIGHT, ARMS STRAIGHT. Holy COW, is that hard. But it's SO cool. Tightest wheel I've EVER done, and I don't even want to know how close to my feet, my hands were. I took a HUGE walk-and-crawl-and-creep-in. Kino said, "Good, you found the strength!" It was nuts, but I loved it.
7. The adjustment 4-hour session was geared toward Marichyasana D; we did twists, shoulders, spine lengtheners. Kino likes to put a foot on practitioners, more than Matthew Sweeney does. Great adjustments were learned.
8. The strength session was very much about slow movement and stability. We "walked" jumpbacks and throughs, but holding the pose, picking up one foot, arms STRAIGHT, just holding the moment of "through" (no matter what direction). It was fabulous. I was POURING sweat. We also got all about the shoulders in headstand; the idea is always to DEACTIVATE the traps and to ACTIVATE the lats, and just from teaching people how to jump and how to invert, I knew that, but it was so, so good to have the reminder.
9. The next morning's Mysore saw me get up to Kapotasana, with an adjustment but not even Kino could get me to my toes. Too much collapse, energy weak by that point. I was bummed about that but the final backbend (which again was an epic walk-in and push-up) made it better. Just can NOT turn down that amazing energy, that opening, both strength and flexibility. Also, my dropbacks and standups FINALLY returned, after about a week off, in this class.
10. The Intro to Intermediate was a selection of poses that we took apart in great anatomical, energetic detail. Pasasana, all backbends except Parsva Dhanurasana, Eka Pada Sirsasana, Pincha and Karanda, Nakrasana. As the "Pasasana" model, I was able to take a wrist. That was a first, and super cool. We did a Kapo adjustment where the maximum asked was just to touch the floor. It was very informative. Set up the stability, the strength, in the lats, ribs, hips, and THEN bend.
10a. Kino said for us to ask questions after, so I did: pretty much a straightup "What's up with my Kapo?" I'd been waiting for EVER to ask that, because it's been FOURTEEN MONTHS since my last Mysore room. She said, "You have the flexibility for it, based on your final backbend, it's just a matter of using the STRENGTH to keep your head off the floor. Do not walk in unless your head is up."
11. Before the final Primary on Sunday, there was open practice, and I wanted to learn some of the stuff we'd talked about, in my body, so I decided to do a full Intermediate. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb before a 150-minute Primary, but I wasn't thinking about the Primary, I was thinking about learning, about embodying the knowledge. I used to double-practice a LOT; I still do now and then. Moksha's Mysore guy was leading some students through a partial Primary, and he gave me a GREAT Supta V assist.
11a. Notes: Pasasana, bound both sides. Shalabhasana: LONG, not HIGH. Better that way, builds the body awareness for the harder backbends. Dhanurasana: high, shoulders, not low back. Kino told us, pull with the arms, it's NOT just in the legs. Ustrasana: looking down, chin to chest, builds a better, steadier bend, than looking back right away. SEE the belly suck in. Kapo: did it twice. Hands down, PUSH, and then walk, PUSH, then walk, hands WIDE, OUTSIDE the feet. Both times, tension appeared not in the back, but in the SHOULDERS. I have no idea how far in I walked, but my back was FINE; it was the shoulders that were staring to burn, and I've NEVER had that before in Kapo, so it's completely interesting.
11b. More notes: Big twists. Right glutes did not complain in Ardha Matsyendrasana, and they usually do. FBH was good, solid, but righty is still tighter than lefty. Could not balance in Dwi Pada (as usual) but could lift up. Pincha only took the tiniest, the MOST MINUTE, of hops, to get into. I'm learning to do it with pure strength and body alignment, no jump needed. Same entry to Karanda; did Karanda four times, made and lowered the lotus once with head up. Needs work, but that's cool. Mayurasana, fun. Nakrasana, fun. Vatayanasana, proves that left hip is more open than right (knew that). Parighasana, fun. Gomukhasana (now understood as a balance pose, not a hip opener, from the DVD), fun. SUPV, STILL cannot keep bound half-lotus toe in the roll. Eh, that's fine. Headstands, did all and timbered all, except the third one, where I couldn't keep the balance. Three backbends, three drops and stands, full closing. GREAT practice. Later, however, I would be SMOKED in the Primary poses that are quad-intensive: UHP floating the leg, Navasana. The counts, as expected, were long. The Sirsasana was FIFTY TWO of my regular breaths. FIFTY. TWO.
12. My ride and I ducked out of the final session, so that he could meet his new relationship and build it a bit more; I can respect that. Now I am back grading and writing a test and so forth and so on. But practice, mmmm, yummy practice. I'm totally geared for it now (yes, I know it's a moon today, but I mean in general). Very inspiring stuff over the weekend.
13. I saw Lars von Trier's new thing ANTICHRIST. Do NOT put that film in your head unless you want some SERIOUSLY traumatic imagery in your consciousness. I mean, it was chewy and has an interesting concept and a lot of BEAUTIFUL photography, but hot DAMN, you'll never un-see some of those images.
1. I got the Kino Intermediate DVD last week, and it inspired a week of practices. It's GREAT. I actually got more out of the practice disc than I did out of the "how to work" disc, and the major poses it changed for me were Pasasana, Supta Vajrasana and those of the FBH section.
2. Having Kino in person, directly after that, was a freakin' gift. Marvelousness.
3. I stayed in a hostel right downtown. Public transportation in Chicago, at any hour of day or night, is marvelous and easy.
4. At Friday morning's Mysore, with over 50 people, Kino said, "If you have a long practice, begin now; if you have a short practice, begin in about 15 minutes." That's how it was split.
5. At the FIRST Chakrasana (after Supta Padangusthasana), I re-activated a HOT nerve pinch in my left trapezius. That HURT. And it made the backbends of Intermediate, well, let's just say a LITTLE challenging. But I did up to Dwi Pada anyway because I was having fantastic energy.
6. Kino's assisted backbends go like this: 2-3 drops back with arms crossed, and then back to hands and WALK in, even with HEAD DOWN, walk in as FAR as possible, and then when maxed out, PUSH UP, LEGS STRAIGHT, ARMS STRAIGHT. Holy COW, is that hard. But it's SO cool. Tightest wheel I've EVER done, and I don't even want to know how close to my feet, my hands were. I took a HUGE walk-and-crawl-and-creep-in. Kino said, "Good, you found the strength!" It was nuts, but I loved it.
7. The adjustment 4-hour session was geared toward Marichyasana D; we did twists, shoulders, spine lengtheners. Kino likes to put a foot on practitioners, more than Matthew Sweeney does. Great adjustments were learned.
8. The strength session was very much about slow movement and stability. We "walked" jumpbacks and throughs, but holding the pose, picking up one foot, arms STRAIGHT, just holding the moment of "through" (no matter what direction). It was fabulous. I was POURING sweat. We also got all about the shoulders in headstand; the idea is always to DEACTIVATE the traps and to ACTIVATE the lats, and just from teaching people how to jump and how to invert, I knew that, but it was so, so good to have the reminder.
9. The next morning's Mysore saw me get up to Kapotasana, with an adjustment but not even Kino could get me to my toes. Too much collapse, energy weak by that point. I was bummed about that but the final backbend (which again was an epic walk-in and push-up) made it better. Just can NOT turn down that amazing energy, that opening, both strength and flexibility. Also, my dropbacks and standups FINALLY returned, after about a week off, in this class.
10. The Intro to Intermediate was a selection of poses that we took apart in great anatomical, energetic detail. Pasasana, all backbends except Parsva Dhanurasana, Eka Pada Sirsasana, Pincha and Karanda, Nakrasana. As the "Pasasana" model, I was able to take a wrist. That was a first, and super cool. We did a Kapo adjustment where the maximum asked was just to touch the floor. It was very informative. Set up the stability, the strength, in the lats, ribs, hips, and THEN bend.
10a. Kino said for us to ask questions after, so I did: pretty much a straightup "What's up with my Kapo?" I'd been waiting for EVER to ask that, because it's been FOURTEEN MONTHS since my last Mysore room. She said, "You have the flexibility for it, based on your final backbend, it's just a matter of using the STRENGTH to keep your head off the floor. Do not walk in unless your head is up."
11. Before the final Primary on Sunday, there was open practice, and I wanted to learn some of the stuff we'd talked about, in my body, so I decided to do a full Intermediate. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb before a 150-minute Primary, but I wasn't thinking about the Primary, I was thinking about learning, about embodying the knowledge. I used to double-practice a LOT; I still do now and then. Moksha's Mysore guy was leading some students through a partial Primary, and he gave me a GREAT Supta V assist.
11a. Notes: Pasasana, bound both sides. Shalabhasana: LONG, not HIGH. Better that way, builds the body awareness for the harder backbends. Dhanurasana: high, shoulders, not low back. Kino told us, pull with the arms, it's NOT just in the legs. Ustrasana: looking down, chin to chest, builds a better, steadier bend, than looking back right away. SEE the belly suck in. Kapo: did it twice. Hands down, PUSH, and then walk, PUSH, then walk, hands WIDE, OUTSIDE the feet. Both times, tension appeared not in the back, but in the SHOULDERS. I have no idea how far in I walked, but my back was FINE; it was the shoulders that were staring to burn, and I've NEVER had that before in Kapo, so it's completely interesting.
11b. More notes: Big twists. Right glutes did not complain in Ardha Matsyendrasana, and they usually do. FBH was good, solid, but righty is still tighter than lefty. Could not balance in Dwi Pada (as usual) but could lift up. Pincha only took the tiniest, the MOST MINUTE, of hops, to get into. I'm learning to do it with pure strength and body alignment, no jump needed. Same entry to Karanda; did Karanda four times, made and lowered the lotus once with head up. Needs work, but that's cool. Mayurasana, fun. Nakrasana, fun. Vatayanasana, proves that left hip is more open than right (knew that). Parighasana, fun. Gomukhasana (now understood as a balance pose, not a hip opener, from the DVD), fun. SUPV, STILL cannot keep bound half-lotus toe in the roll. Eh, that's fine. Headstands, did all and timbered all, except the third one, where I couldn't keep the balance. Three backbends, three drops and stands, full closing. GREAT practice. Later, however, I would be SMOKED in the Primary poses that are quad-intensive: UHP floating the leg, Navasana. The counts, as expected, were long. The Sirsasana was FIFTY TWO of my regular breaths. FIFTY. TWO.
12. My ride and I ducked out of the final session, so that he could meet his new relationship and build it a bit more; I can respect that. Now I am back grading and writing a test and so forth and so on. But practice, mmmm, yummy practice. I'm totally geared for it now (yes, I know it's a moon today, but I mean in general). Very inspiring stuff over the weekend.
13. I saw Lars von Trier's new thing ANTICHRIST. Do NOT put that film in your head unless you want some SERIOUSLY traumatic imagery in your consciousness. I mean, it was chewy and has an interesting concept and a lot of BEAUTIFUL photography, but hot DAMN, you'll never un-see some of those images.
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