I used to have a series on "non-attachment" but it's been so long I can't recall which "episode" this is.
I've been reading _Essence of the Bhagavad Gita_, which is mostly commentary by Paramhamsa Yogananda as recreated by Kriyananda. I don't care for how "God this" and "God that" it is, because I'm so Christian-o-phobic, but I really like it overall. Every chapter has great chewy stuff in it.
The Gita is, of course, about the "inner struggle" between, (let's grossly paraphrase), the senses and the shining Self. One ceases to "evolve" (go out) and instead "involves" (goes in) and then achieves enlightenment. During this process, fruits of action are surrendered and right action is preferred to inaction (that's why Arjuna has to fight).
While this has been going on, seventh series has been continuing, and it's been a rough week of sore throat and coughing and bad sleep for the kid, which means we ALL get bad sleep, and that makes me and J grumpy at each other, and work stress does not cease, and my practice takes a downhill turn. On a certain level, that's all fine, because it's both familiar and quite undeniable. It is the truth.
But my asana practices during seventh series and work have been RADICALLY roller-coastering. Full Intermediate one week, partial Primary with aches galore, the week after. Missed days when kid is sick, practice devolves, stress from baby crying, hips tighten up, deadlines come due; it's MADNESS to practice while you're doing seventh series, but it's also totally essential.
Primary to Marichyasana D today. Tight, slow, but also humid, summer: 78 in the house with windows wide open, and good sweat, decent flexibility (environmentally speaking). So the days of the Y are over, because over the summer they air condition that place to 70 degrees and now, that is COLD, man.
"Detach from the fruits." This is useful. A section that I read yesterday was saying that, "The yogi does not understand the body as 'I' but simply as that with which one is working: the mind is now intellectualizing, discriminating; the senses are taking in stimuli; the body channels are taking in, moving out, and so on." One watches it all, detaches from it all. The body is a thing one KEEPS FUNCTIONING in order to achieve enlightenment through ACTION.
This runs up hard against "My practice, the pose I got, the point I didn't get to, why can't I do THAT pose" and so on and on and on. You know, the asana reports.
So at first, after practice, I was ticked at the forces that be, for making my practice so rollercoaster with seventh series. But then I tried seeing the body as simply a thing that "I" (ahem) moved through space, and that detached from the anger, straight away. Cool. What's asana practice for? Focus, mantra, breathing, a "model" of sorts. In my current body, it also channels emotional pain and frustration out of my glutes (where that stuff stacks up miles high) and back out into the world as energy, where it all belongs.
I have NO IDEA what I will tell teacher(s) in Seattle in a month, as to "where my practice is." Here are some potential answers to that question:
1. Well, two years ago I was doing up to Kapo in a Mysore-style room and I really haven't been in one since then.
2. Practice varies between partial Primary and full Intermediate, as seventh series either demands or makes possible.
3. What I'd like from my practice is to make Kapotasana a more comfortable psychological/emotional experience no matter how deep or shallow it is.
4. I can do whatever my seventh series/hips/shoulder are willing to handle on any given day.
And so on. Who knows.