There is periodic arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) along with new pneumonia, in my father's ongoing chemo. The chronic diarrhea that I mentioned is from some kind of radiation burn (which would suck anyway, but I think with colon cancer it sucks a bit more pointedly), which has had him on fluids all month, and he's (predictably) weaker from that, and everyone's been anxious about how/if he'll get through surgery, but the chemo goes on hold when arrhythmia appears, and i think it'll also be on hold for the pneumonia now.
My brother in a phone call this afternoon said, "It's starting to look like a stacking set of complications, and, you know, you may want to reconsider your travel plans."
My current travel plans are to go out there FRIDAY.
I'm ready for a perhaps-shockingly weakened character, and I know better than to wish for anything. With mortality you take as high a dose of Buddhism as you can handle.
It feels like "inhale, pinch nose and drop into the water" but that's the selfish way, the ego-defending way, insensitive, guarded. You go generous, giving whatever energy anyone needs, to anyone who needs it. Living in the strength of the past, the storytelling.
He said to me, many many times while I was growing up, "You put me in the ground, and then you throw a party!" He always hated the morbidity of so many Catholic funerals, but as so many, wouldn't give up the faith for that one complaint.
A party it is, no matter what sorts of hell we go through to get to it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wait, Maybe Parenting is a Practice Maintenance Phase.
It's like me to want to know how far out a thing can get. I've done this with insomnia, booze/intoxication, literature (difficulty, post/modernism, Joyce, Musil, Pynchon, etc), film (again, viewing, not making), climbing walls, and even the yoga. How far down the rabbit hole can this incarnation go? What are my LIMITS?
There's a longish rambling post about how all of that, every bit of that "questing," is really just to try to overshoot internal things that need processing. How out of myself can I get, how far the fuck away from my stuff can I get?
And transformation: that's really, in my usage up to this point, new animals, new forms, new crystals through which to see the same things. There's something to be said for a new lens, but the inner material one sees through it never changes.
It feels empowering and sexy to be transforming/transformed, digging a spade into the earth and erecting ramparts and storming others' cities and all of that legend-making. But the stuff remains the same in the center.
Parenting denies all of the legends and makes all of the stuff clear. The alchemy worked by a very young person on a much older person is a sort of flashback, but it's not revisitation; instead it's confrontation and/or acknowledgement. You nod constantly when you're a parent and then you do the mundanity, and it's all acceptance, you never erect a rampart or storm a city with a barbarian horde. But it's fun to have those movies on tap so you can still, in your legend, in your own myth, blow up the Death Star or whatever it is you do.
Parenting is compassion and relating (well, even when it's done badly or done evilly, in which case it isn't very compassionate, I suppose). You can't add the child to your legend, you can't dominate the relationship that way, you can't USE your parenting for self-aggrandizement, not because it's immoral or you "shouldn't," but because that relationship between parent and child simply won't STICK to that goal, the way that something that's not magnetic just will not stick to the fridge no matter how hard you press it there.
And so your relationship to your child casts a light on all of your other relationships and it reveals in fairly unbearable clarity where you have overreached and where you have exaggerated and where you have sort of "taped over" the cracks and the unspoken places and the things you don't want to see and the places you don't want to go. Your relationship to your child is your UR-relationship and all others are situated underneath it in that merciless brilliance with their flaws so clear you cannot look away.
Your legend turns to stone in that light, cracked towering stone, no longer liquid mercury, shiny slippery and marvelous, subaquatic, escaping, Mariana-Trench-dwelling phosphorescent. Now trapped in incarnation, stone, climbable, cracked, revealed, visible, consummately visible, mapped, available to all.
And immobile now, the ego weeps, guilty, angry and powerless. Raging manacled, promising to pen a Hugo novel in your own juices.
This is what it is to be "ordinary," to be Trungpa ordinary.
In my practice since 2009, I have gained poses, lost poses, gained poses, lost poses, gained, lost, gained, lost, yes, no, yes, no, yesno, yesnoyesnoyesnowhat?
What? What sequence? What poses? What? Why? What am I doing? Whose world is this?
And for a long time nothing made any sense.
I decided today, after an unsatisfactory, cold, modified, rushed gym practice, that I'll just do up to Kapotasana, just like in July 2008. That was the last time I so-called "got" a pose (I've never REALLY "gotten" a pose) and I simply can't cross it. I mean, I can, but I can't keep anything, and the periods of loss are sometimes whole months of total practice loss. It's cataclysmic, and then my regains are like the Huns sacking Rome, and then they are likewise demolished. It's not good, that mad pendulum swing.
July and August 2008, back when I began a Kapo quest in earnest. We got pregnant in September. Then the world exploded and everything became very "ordinary." The child still doesn't regularly sleep through the night; he'll be two years old in thirteen days. We still have no relationship to speak of, although we do get a hug in once in a while; I'm glad in a way there's no sexual activity, because it was so awkward, cold and horrifying that I had to work hard to process it and really don't have any processing machinery to spare, so it's easier to simply be without it, more comfortable this way. I expect that'll creep back when the administrative job ends and when the child sleeps more regularly. Job ends MAY 2013.
Really, who can Gain Poses in these conditions? Who even wants to?
I still can't get the "magic" of the Parenting Kool-Aid, and I've been drinking that stuff non-stop all year. Make no mistake, I love my kid and he's awesome and hilarious, but parenting itself, the system of it, the set of obligations, the time demands, and really, when it comes to the core of it, the EGO DEATH of it, just makes me proof against pie-eyed star-gazing declarations like, "It's the best thing I've ever done!" I just can't say that, can barely restrain a cringe at even typing it.
My legend didn't have parenting in it, or maybe it did, but the parenting limb hadn't cropped up yet, hadn't developed yet. Too soon. She craved it--and didn't even, she wanted to have a kid because she was AFRAID that if she missed her chance, she'd REGRET IT LATER--and I didn't. Too soon.
So my ego was carved into this shape, the service life that is parenting, and again, it's all about relating. But a relating that is not grandiose, that serves no legend, that isn't Shakespeare, that isn't world revolution, that isn't Reich and Leary and Jodorowsky and Breton and all of that.
But it also isn't Moody and Delillo and even Acker, and all of that, either.
It isn't dramatic at all, it's so mundane that you can't write any kind of novel about it. But it's not a privatized mundane, and because of that, it's not a re-dramatized mundane, it cannot be made to play that game: not in indie film, not in postmodern novel, not in any form. And all of reality begins to look like it, echo it, be the same as it. And then no one has any legend, and legends are all told just to be legends, and suddenly books are books and people are people and ordinariness has this fabulous mystery that can't be expressed in any language and which has never been said except maybe in koans.
Not all parents feel like that; there's something about the love and the enchantment that all gets knit into something different, and I'll never understand it because I can't do it. But I somehow have enough language that I can sound like I'm part of that club, and so I don't have to deal with THAT alienation on top of the others.
I think that parenting beats any Buddhist retreat ever.
It has made me quieter, more reflective, less "active" (I would say violent, but that's not what I mean: my violence was always one of overactivity, grand gesture where none was required, presence taking up space, volume), sad in the way Trungpa talks about in Shambhala. That, and it has given me this relentless vision of every untrue thing that I've ever done or thought at any time, ever, which is like watching a private horrorshow of your own egotistical overreaches.
I think that finally when all of that comes to acceptance, when it stops being such a massively long-term soak in negative emotions, that it will turn into a happiness, a contentment, as stout as the negativity. A real recutting of the ego. That's why I say this is better than any retreat. This is the REAL surgery, the real thing.
There's a longish rambling post about how all of that, every bit of that "questing," is really just to try to overshoot internal things that need processing. How out of myself can I get, how far the fuck away from my stuff can I get?
And transformation: that's really, in my usage up to this point, new animals, new forms, new crystals through which to see the same things. There's something to be said for a new lens, but the inner material one sees through it never changes.
It feels empowering and sexy to be transforming/transformed, digging a spade into the earth and erecting ramparts and storming others' cities and all of that legend-making. But the stuff remains the same in the center.
Parenting denies all of the legends and makes all of the stuff clear. The alchemy worked by a very young person on a much older person is a sort of flashback, but it's not revisitation; instead it's confrontation and/or acknowledgement. You nod constantly when you're a parent and then you do the mundanity, and it's all acceptance, you never erect a rampart or storm a city with a barbarian horde. But it's fun to have those movies on tap so you can still, in your legend, in your own myth, blow up the Death Star or whatever it is you do.
Parenting is compassion and relating (well, even when it's done badly or done evilly, in which case it isn't very compassionate, I suppose). You can't add the child to your legend, you can't dominate the relationship that way, you can't USE your parenting for self-aggrandizement, not because it's immoral or you "shouldn't," but because that relationship between parent and child simply won't STICK to that goal, the way that something that's not magnetic just will not stick to the fridge no matter how hard you press it there.
And so your relationship to your child casts a light on all of your other relationships and it reveals in fairly unbearable clarity where you have overreached and where you have exaggerated and where you have sort of "taped over" the cracks and the unspoken places and the things you don't want to see and the places you don't want to go. Your relationship to your child is your UR-relationship and all others are situated underneath it in that merciless brilliance with their flaws so clear you cannot look away.
Your legend turns to stone in that light, cracked towering stone, no longer liquid mercury, shiny slippery and marvelous, subaquatic, escaping, Mariana-Trench-dwelling phosphorescent. Now trapped in incarnation, stone, climbable, cracked, revealed, visible, consummately visible, mapped, available to all.
And immobile now, the ego weeps, guilty, angry and powerless. Raging manacled, promising to pen a Hugo novel in your own juices.
This is what it is to be "ordinary," to be Trungpa ordinary.
In my practice since 2009, I have gained poses, lost poses, gained poses, lost poses, gained, lost, gained, lost, yes, no, yes, no, yesno, yesnoyesnoyesnowhat?
What? What sequence? What poses? What? Why? What am I doing? Whose world is this?
And for a long time nothing made any sense.
I decided today, after an unsatisfactory, cold, modified, rushed gym practice, that I'll just do up to Kapotasana, just like in July 2008. That was the last time I so-called "got" a pose (I've never REALLY "gotten" a pose) and I simply can't cross it. I mean, I can, but I can't keep anything, and the periods of loss are sometimes whole months of total practice loss. It's cataclysmic, and then my regains are like the Huns sacking Rome, and then they are likewise demolished. It's not good, that mad pendulum swing.
July and August 2008, back when I began a Kapo quest in earnest. We got pregnant in September. Then the world exploded and everything became very "ordinary." The child still doesn't regularly sleep through the night; he'll be two years old in thirteen days. We still have no relationship to speak of, although we do get a hug in once in a while; I'm glad in a way there's no sexual activity, because it was so awkward, cold and horrifying that I had to work hard to process it and really don't have any processing machinery to spare, so it's easier to simply be without it, more comfortable this way. I expect that'll creep back when the administrative job ends and when the child sleeps more regularly. Job ends MAY 2013.
Really, who can Gain Poses in these conditions? Who even wants to?
I still can't get the "magic" of the Parenting Kool-Aid, and I've been drinking that stuff non-stop all year. Make no mistake, I love my kid and he's awesome and hilarious, but parenting itself, the system of it, the set of obligations, the time demands, and really, when it comes to the core of it, the EGO DEATH of it, just makes me proof against pie-eyed star-gazing declarations like, "It's the best thing I've ever done!" I just can't say that, can barely restrain a cringe at even typing it.
My legend didn't have parenting in it, or maybe it did, but the parenting limb hadn't cropped up yet, hadn't developed yet. Too soon. She craved it--and didn't even, she wanted to have a kid because she was AFRAID that if she missed her chance, she'd REGRET IT LATER--and I didn't. Too soon.
So my ego was carved into this shape, the service life that is parenting, and again, it's all about relating. But a relating that is not grandiose, that serves no legend, that isn't Shakespeare, that isn't world revolution, that isn't Reich and Leary and Jodorowsky and Breton and all of that.
But it also isn't Moody and Delillo and even Acker, and all of that, either.
It isn't dramatic at all, it's so mundane that you can't write any kind of novel about it. But it's not a privatized mundane, and because of that, it's not a re-dramatized mundane, it cannot be made to play that game: not in indie film, not in postmodern novel, not in any form. And all of reality begins to look like it, echo it, be the same as it. And then no one has any legend, and legends are all told just to be legends, and suddenly books are books and people are people and ordinariness has this fabulous mystery that can't be expressed in any language and which has never been said except maybe in koans.
Not all parents feel like that; there's something about the love and the enchantment that all gets knit into something different, and I'll never understand it because I can't do it. But I somehow have enough language that I can sound like I'm part of that club, and so I don't have to deal with THAT alienation on top of the others.
I think that parenting beats any Buddhist retreat ever.
It has made me quieter, more reflective, less "active" (I would say violent, but that's not what I mean: my violence was always one of overactivity, grand gesture where none was required, presence taking up space, volume), sad in the way Trungpa talks about in Shambhala. That, and it has given me this relentless vision of every untrue thing that I've ever done or thought at any time, ever, which is like watching a private horrorshow of your own egotistical overreaches.
I think that finally when all of that comes to acceptance, when it stops being such a massively long-term soak in negative emotions, that it will turn into a happiness, a contentment, as stout as the negativity. A real recutting of the ego. That's why I say this is better than any retreat. This is the REAL surgery, the real thing.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Briefly: Kino in Indianapolis
I wish I had more time to write about this and the followup launch of a thing that we are calling "Ashtanga Yoga Indiana" (more soon, but if you're Facebooking, look for us there), BUT this is the day when my grades are due so I have to do that first (well, second, after this "brief" post, right?).
Kino did really only 2 days here, three workshops total:
a. Led Primary, Sat morning; we did up to Supta K.
b. Arm balances for everyone (lots of Bakasana, partner work, some Sirsasana)
c. Karmic Fire, Sun morning; LOTS of yoga philosophy, pelvic floor, breath.
The Karmic Fire workshop, which I think is her newest, is really fantastic. We talked about samskaras, kleshas, burning with agni, and technically we talked about tapas even though she didn't say that word out loud. Basically, using the body as a sort of (what Freeman would call) matrix for intersecting with the spiritual/mystical. It was really pose light (well, except for the Navasana example) but just fantastic all the same.
In the led Primary, and I think in part because Kino still recognizes me from Chicago workshops, I got adjustments in Pada Hastasana, Prasarita Padottanasana C (in which I actually fell over my head--hilarious! Kino said, "We're doing judo here in the corner") and Supta Kurmasana. Easy Dwi Pada pretzeling with her help.
For backbends we did an ankle-grab bridge, and then two wheels, coming all the way down, then a set of three, coming only down to top of head, and then her infamous "walk hands in and push up" Chakrabandhasana builder. Awesome.
Every senior teacher does backbends differently. Timiji has us simply do two sets of three. Kino really likes to "ladder them" this way, bridge, wheel come down, wheel stay up, wheel walk in.
She asked me to play photographer for the "arm balances" section, so there might be a lot of fun pictures of people falling out of partner-assisted Eka Pada Bakasana and so on, when those show up :)
Now, my regular Sunday class is at 12:30, and the Karmic Fire session ended at 12, and Kino and the studio and I had talked about her doing a practice in my class. She and I talked about this on Saturday between sessions and I said that really, it's not led, a large portion of my class just takes a cheat sheet and marches through Primary as well as they're able. Kino got much more enthusiastic at that point and said, like Mysore-style? and I told her the class is sort of a wild and crazy mix of led and Mysore-style, and she said, that's how you build a program! Awesome.
So at 12:15 when the KF session had gotten out, about 9 of us, Kino included, just started practicing and three more students came in at 12:30 and I basically let everyone do the class Mysore-style, with lots of attention for the trio whom I knew hadn't had as much experience with that method. The space was really traditional-feeling, I don't know how else to put it. It's rare that I can get that vibe when I'm teaching, most days. There was less joking, and I was speaking more softly to one student at a time, not trying to direct the room, a totally different voice usage from a led class. Lots of UHP adjustments (the "foot cup"), lots of Prasarita C, lots of advice about jumping (Kino had advised people to walk back and through until it became smooth, but everyone loves to jump, and so that's going to be a massive retraining for certain members of my class).
Kino did a lovely Intermediate, as far as I saw only struggling with the Karanda lift, and then in backbends went handstand-feet-to-head, which was cool because I've NEVER seen a practitioner do that in real life. I think maybe I saw Kino adjust a couple people into it in Chicago, but I was in mid-practice so I can't be sure what my senses registered :D
We talked for about 30-40 minutes while another class ended on Saturday afternoon, and I think that if you're an authorized/certified teacher, it's probably refreshing to talk about ANYTHING that isn't "ooh how do I get into this pose?" We talked about creativity, orderly people versus messy people, the Midwest as the "new Encinitas," and a handful of other things. No posing, no transitions, no shop talk. Good stuff. Kino suggested that there be a thing, "Ashtanga Yoga Indiana," to build our new community, these mysterious classes of 12 or more that I've had for three solid months now.
So I started a Facebook group and wrote something of a Declaration of Vision, and people are excited about it. Turns out one of my students is a web design guy. Fortuitous things are coming about. There are apparently 25 different classes a week in this state which call themselves "ashtanga" (and sure, some are modified or based-on or inspired-by) but we now have the beginnings of a network which reaches from Bloomington down southwest to Indy and up even to Crown Point, which is practically Chicago. Time to get on the road and see some classes, get some human flesh-and-blood relating going on.
Ok, off to grade!
Kino did really only 2 days here, three workshops total:
a. Led Primary, Sat morning; we did up to Supta K.
b. Arm balances for everyone (lots of Bakasana, partner work, some Sirsasana)
c. Karmic Fire, Sun morning; LOTS of yoga philosophy, pelvic floor, breath.
The Karmic Fire workshop, which I think is her newest, is really fantastic. We talked about samskaras, kleshas, burning with agni, and technically we talked about tapas even though she didn't say that word out loud. Basically, using the body as a sort of (what Freeman would call) matrix for intersecting with the spiritual/mystical. It was really pose light (well, except for the Navasana example) but just fantastic all the same.
In the led Primary, and I think in part because Kino still recognizes me from Chicago workshops, I got adjustments in Pada Hastasana, Prasarita Padottanasana C (in which I actually fell over my head--hilarious! Kino said, "We're doing judo here in the corner") and Supta Kurmasana. Easy Dwi Pada pretzeling with her help.
For backbends we did an ankle-grab bridge, and then two wheels, coming all the way down, then a set of three, coming only down to top of head, and then her infamous "walk hands in and push up" Chakrabandhasana builder. Awesome.
Every senior teacher does backbends differently. Timiji has us simply do two sets of three. Kino really likes to "ladder them" this way, bridge, wheel come down, wheel stay up, wheel walk in.
She asked me to play photographer for the "arm balances" section, so there might be a lot of fun pictures of people falling out of partner-assisted Eka Pada Bakasana and so on, when those show up :)
Now, my regular Sunday class is at 12:30, and the Karmic Fire session ended at 12, and Kino and the studio and I had talked about her doing a practice in my class. She and I talked about this on Saturday between sessions and I said that really, it's not led, a large portion of my class just takes a cheat sheet and marches through Primary as well as they're able. Kino got much more enthusiastic at that point and said, like Mysore-style? and I told her the class is sort of a wild and crazy mix of led and Mysore-style, and she said, that's how you build a program! Awesome.
So at 12:15 when the KF session had gotten out, about 9 of us, Kino included, just started practicing and three more students came in at 12:30 and I basically let everyone do the class Mysore-style, with lots of attention for the trio whom I knew hadn't had as much experience with that method. The space was really traditional-feeling, I don't know how else to put it. It's rare that I can get that vibe when I'm teaching, most days. There was less joking, and I was speaking more softly to one student at a time, not trying to direct the room, a totally different voice usage from a led class. Lots of UHP adjustments (the "foot cup"), lots of Prasarita C, lots of advice about jumping (Kino had advised people to walk back and through until it became smooth, but everyone loves to jump, and so that's going to be a massive retraining for certain members of my class).
Kino did a lovely Intermediate, as far as I saw only struggling with the Karanda lift, and then in backbends went handstand-feet-to-head, which was cool because I've NEVER seen a practitioner do that in real life. I think maybe I saw Kino adjust a couple people into it in Chicago, but I was in mid-practice so I can't be sure what my senses registered :D
We talked for about 30-40 minutes while another class ended on Saturday afternoon, and I think that if you're an authorized/certified teacher, it's probably refreshing to talk about ANYTHING that isn't "ooh how do I get into this pose?" We talked about creativity, orderly people versus messy people, the Midwest as the "new Encinitas," and a handful of other things. No posing, no transitions, no shop talk. Good stuff. Kino suggested that there be a thing, "Ashtanga Yoga Indiana," to build our new community, these mysterious classes of 12 or more that I've had for three solid months now.
So I started a Facebook group and wrote something of a Declaration of Vision, and people are excited about it. Turns out one of my students is a web design guy. Fortuitous things are coming about. There are apparently 25 different classes a week in this state which call themselves "ashtanga" (and sure, some are modified or based-on or inspired-by) but we now have the beginnings of a network which reaches from Bloomington down southwest to Indy and up even to Crown Point, which is practically Chicago. Time to get on the road and see some classes, get some human flesh-and-blood relating going on.
Ok, off to grade!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Just Workshoppin' Around.
I try to keep an eye on the midwestern Ashtanga workshop scene, see who's coming where, when, and if I can potentially spare time and/or money. Things are getting interesting, as Owl says.
Yes, there is an Ashtanga Yoga Ohio (I believe its "yogaohio.com" online).
Kino, of course, will be here Saturday and Sunday. Our first ashtanga workshop in the city since a Dave Swenson weekend in....2006??? In a hell of a long time, in any case. We built this. Go us.
DUDE. Chuck Miller is coming to Chicago in August. Apparently four days of morning and afternoon sessions. I SUSPECT that I can't buy the time from J and family, after taking two weeks of Swenson in June, but I'm certainly interested in more info.
Kino's doing five days in Chicago in October, but I can't go because I'll be teaching classes. I could go Friday night but she'll be doing that workshop here this weekend, and Saturday's only attraction, really, is the inversion/handstand workshop, but for 50 plus 30 for hostel plus gasoline plus time commitment? I'm actually NOT COMPELLED :O :O :O
Timiji returns to Chicago in early November, and I'm just waiting for a schedule to appear so I can sign up, basically. After summer Swenson, that's the next thing that I feel I MUST do. Must see how our second meeting goes.
And then in May 2012 (well, end of May into June), Kino returns to Chicago and that, I CAN go to, because classes will be over. It's way, way out, but hey, good to know these things in advance. Nearly a week of Mysore, with workshops, probably, three hours away, in a town I know, with public trans that I know, that I can get to by car? BOOYAH. Hell I could even try to drag the family up there for some museuming and whatnot; the boy will turn 3 that Memorial Day weekend.
I might also, either voluntarily or by need, be in Boston at any time, in which case I MIGHT consider renting a car and staying in a city hostel, rather than out in the burbs with brother and family. That'd make the yoga easier and the independence way easier. Things are proceeding, with dad and the chemo and all, but he's basically living on an IV because the radiation gives him grotesquely chronic diarrhea. Lovely stuff. They say he'll probably have the tumor-removing surgery before we're there at the end of May. Every time I practice I dedicate some to you, old boy!
Yes, there is an Ashtanga Yoga Ohio (I believe its "yogaohio.com" online).
Kino, of course, will be here Saturday and Sunday. Our first ashtanga workshop in the city since a Dave Swenson weekend in....2006??? In a hell of a long time, in any case. We built this. Go us.
DUDE. Chuck Miller is coming to Chicago in August. Apparently four days of morning and afternoon sessions. I SUSPECT that I can't buy the time from J and family, after taking two weeks of Swenson in June, but I'm certainly interested in more info.
Kino's doing five days in Chicago in October, but I can't go because I'll be teaching classes. I could go Friday night but she'll be doing that workshop here this weekend, and Saturday's only attraction, really, is the inversion/handstand workshop, but for 50 plus 30 for hostel plus gasoline plus time commitment? I'm actually NOT COMPELLED :O :O :O
Timiji returns to Chicago in early November, and I'm just waiting for a schedule to appear so I can sign up, basically. After summer Swenson, that's the next thing that I feel I MUST do. Must see how our second meeting goes.
And then in May 2012 (well, end of May into June), Kino returns to Chicago and that, I CAN go to, because classes will be over. It's way, way out, but hey, good to know these things in advance. Nearly a week of Mysore, with workshops, probably, three hours away, in a town I know, with public trans that I know, that I can get to by car? BOOYAH. Hell I could even try to drag the family up there for some museuming and whatnot; the boy will turn 3 that Memorial Day weekend.
I might also, either voluntarily or by need, be in Boston at any time, in which case I MIGHT consider renting a car and staying in a city hostel, rather than out in the burbs with brother and family. That'd make the yoga easier and the independence way easier. Things are proceeding, with dad and the chemo and all, but he's basically living on an IV because the radiation gives him grotesquely chronic diarrhea. Lovely stuff. They say he'll probably have the tumor-removing surgery before we're there at the end of May. Every time I practice I dedicate some to you, old boy!
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